As everyone who remembers the CBS series, "Early Edition," knows, cats sometimes have the ability to deliver information from the future. Now, whereas there is no better friend to the feline community than yours truly, I am a logical recipient of such material. And whereas cats love their country, too, I have had presented to me this transcript of extreme importance.
Prior to taking office, every President-Elect of the United States begins receiving CIA briefings, so that he or she will be ready to take charge immediately after inauguration. Below is how the first such briefing of a President-Elect (PUKE) Ron Paul is, as things now stand, set to go:
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CIA agent: Welcome, President-Elect Paul. I will be presenting your first classified intelligence briefing prior to your taking office.
Ron Paul: Are you a Jew?
CIA: No, sir.
RP: Okay, continue.
CIA: Well, sir, the first matter to discuss is the current Iranian situation...
RP: Do they have their bombs yet? I saw on the news they haven't wiped out Israel yet. I'm waiting.
CIA: Well, sir, our latest intelligence on the threat from the Iranian nuclear program...
RP: NO! Iran has no nuclear program. If they do, it's peaceful. And it's not peaceful, it's not a threat to us.
CIA: Be that as it may, we have our aircraft carrier task force located here off their coast...
RP: Don't tell me about Navy ships. They will be scuttled within a week of me taking office. Or I might hand them over to the Iranians. Just move on.
CIA: As you wish, sir. Regarding Al Qaeda...
RP: Just you let me worry about Al Qaeda. After I give them nuclear weapons and get our forces out of the Middle East, they will leave us alone and go after Israel. Are you sure you're not a Jew?
CIA: Yes, sir. I'm a Presbyterian born to Scottish parents.
RP: Well, you sure talk like a Jew, speaking intelligently and factually and trying to make me think about fighting Israel's wars for them, as if their enemies are our enemies. Just move on.
CIA: As you wish, sir. In Africa...
RP: *scowls*
CIA: Sir, I understand your, uh, disdain on this topic, but perhaps you should be informed about...
RP: *scowls*
CIA: Understood, sir. Europe?
RP: Just tell me if the Kaiser is still wanting to help me chop up the country and give Mexico back what we stole from it. We earned that blowback from him, you know.
CIA: Uh, sir, that war ended a long time ago. The Kaiser lost.
RP: Oh yes. After we didn't pay him for the torpedoes used to sink America ships supplying our kindred people in Britain.
CIA: Uh, yes, that's one way to look at it. Well, how about Latin America?
RP: Okay, that's close enough.
CIA: Yes, sir. In Venezuela, the Iranian navy has...
RP: Didn't I tell you the Iranians are no threat! They can't get here, especially after we hand over our aircraft carriers to them. Their ships there aren't there!
CIA: Okay. In Mexico, Hez'b'allah...
RP: Just tell me what we can do to help them destroy Israel.
CIA: Well, sir, that's, uh, outside the scope of the information I've been given. It's also a policy question you will have to pursue after taking office...
RP: I mean, that Muslim in the White House now has set them up nicely. I want to be the one to take credit for helping them destroy ZOG.
CIA: "ZOG," sir?
RP: Oh, stop denying who you get your pay from. Say, did this briefing come from the Bilderburgers, or did Unocal do it up to restart that long-canceled oil pipeline ZOG made us sent troops to Afghanistan to build?
CIA: This briefing was prepared by a team assigned to the Presidential transition.
RP: Because as soon as I take office, I'm ordering you all to take out all those people, just like how you murdered bin Laden.
CIA: *looking anxious* Uh, sir, I'm not sure who you are talking about, but if you mean launching such a strike against American citizens, didn't you say you opposed such things?
RP: I do! We can't do such a thing! We are going to do it SECRETLY.
CIA: Well, okay, sir. Perhaps things would go smoother if you told me what area you want to hear about, and I see what I can present to you.
RP: Neocons.
CIA: "Neocons," sir?
RP: Yes, tell me where they and their Jew banker masters meet, so I will be able to nuke them the instant I take office.
CIA: Well, if you mean "neo-conservatives," that is a domestic political matter, and the CIA and military have no real authority to...
RP: Just tell me what I want to know! I'm a libertarian, so the last thing I want to hear about are the "rights" of people who want a strong America! We can't go around murdering Americans. Now tell me how to murder these Americans.
CIA: As I said, such things are...
RP: Whatever, Jew. One more issue before we end this.
CIA: *looking relieved* And what is that, sir?
RP: How exactly did ZOG do 9/11? When my administration does its false-flag attack to justify killing true patriots, I want to do it right.
CIA: Well, sir... The 9/11 attacks were launched by Islamic Jihadist Shariah supporters aimed at crippling and demoralizing America and our allies into not resisting their efforts to forward a World Caliphate, as they are instructed to do by their faith.
RP: NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA... I don't wanna hear that stuff. It would make patriotism look good and libertarianism look bad. We need to be libertarian to destroy ZOG. We need to stop killing terrorists threatening us so they won't threaten us, but actually kill them secretly, because that's how libertarians are--government secrecy. We need to get rid of intelligence services so we won't know what they are doing. We need to treat every American terrorist with full rights, and then kill them secretly. So none of this Jihad stuff. Got it?
CIA: Got it, sir. Just one question, sir.
RP: What, Jew?
CIA: Will it be you or your Vice President who signs America over to the UN or some foreign power when we lose our leadership in the world?
RP: Probably my Vice President. Alex Jones knows all those ZOG/NWO entities. He imagined up half of them.
CIA: Thank you, sir. And with that, I will take my leave, move my family to somewhere where we can have a quiet life--and a gun--and watch you destroy this great country.
RP: Just not Israel. It'll be toast inside of a month. You see, I don't hate you Jews personally. I just hate your people. And the Christians who support you all. I'm a libertarian, so I'm gonna make them shut up about Israel and the Islamic World Caliphate.
CIA: Understood, sir.
RP: Now, show me where Bradley Manning's office as Head of Information Security will be.
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THE END (of America?)
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This is a work of fiction, but fiction far more accurate in tone and substance than any such things said about Governor Sarah Palin, and true to the approach a "President Paul" would take. However, even as the stories in the "Early Edition" newspaper could be changed, so can this scenario. This does not have to happen, and it won't happen, if actually patriotic people set aside other differences and stand on the pressing issue of national security and our place in the world. Even as the Tea Party of 2010 set aside everything for their portfolios, perhaps patriots can set aside everything to maintain their country.
